Slim Fast Wiper Man

Morning commutes always make for good entertainment.

Does anyone find it awkward when another driver pulls up next to you and you can see directly into their car? And make matters worse by hovering there for a while? I really find that uncomfortable. Somehow it feels like an invasion of my privacy. It reminds me of swinging. Yes swinging. The kind with a swing set.

When I was a little girl we would go to the park to go swinging because you go to the park for swinging. Whenever you and the person swinging next to you would get on the same rhythm, meaning you were pumping at the same speed and would get going exactly the same forward and back, forward and back , we would shout, "Hey get out of my bathroom!" Then you would speed up or slow down so they weren't swinging side by side in your "bathroom" anymore. Pulling up next to or having someone else pull up next to you on the freeway is kind of like that for me. An invasion of my personal space. It was probably a little less invasive as children because I at least knew the person next to me. Not so on the sometimes friendless commute.
Another awkward aspect of commuting is the "look" or "not look". As a driver and passenger, I am a watcher. I like to absorb the environment around me, so I find it hard not to look when someone pulls up next to me. I have become adept at the "quick glance" so as not to appear like I am gawking. Then there is the "both look". You both look at the same time, then pretend that neither one of you were looking and every time you try to look again you manage to do it at the precise time they try looking again and you go back and forth and back and forth in this comical exchange of glances until you can't keep yourself from smiling. Then there is the "no look, look". You pull up next to each other and both of you are determined not to look and appear like you don't notice someone is "in your bathroom." Glancing directly forward, in deep meditation about the price of eggs or the far corners of the universe and all the while secretly looking in the very most corner of your eye to see if they notice we are both swinging in the same "bathroom".

Well, this morning I had a "no look, look" "bathroom" dweller pull up next to me. While he was playing the "no look, look" card I was taking the "quick glance" approach. In my glancing I noticed his windshield wiper appeared to be broken or perhaps not broken, but sticking straight out. At this juncture I preceded to have a discussion with myself. . .

"Why would he get in his car and start driving with his windshield wiper sticking straight out?"

"Didn't he notice?"

"What kind of accident or misfortune would cause such a phenomenon?"

I took a closer look to try to surmise the situation and noticed there was a can jammed between the windshield and the wiper.

"What?"

"Why is there a can jammed between his windshield and the wiper?"

"Oh, how cute. His wife didn't want him to forget his lunch in a rush to get out the door to work."

"But, why did he leave it there?"

"He must be in some kind of hurry to leave it there."

He pulled past me and I pondered on it some more. He was held up by a car in front of him so slowly I moved past him again and I took my opportunity to glance again.

"Oh! That is not a Campbell soup can. That is a Slim Fast can."

"Still... why did he put it there?"

"But of course! He is trying to chill his Slim Fast whilst on his way to work. Clever."

And then the laughing began. I found it entirely humorous. I couldn't stop.

Ode to the Slim Fast Wiper man, good chuckle and journey down memory lane as we "looked" or "didn't look" during our commute this beautiful winter morning.